Well on Monday when I done my last video I thought things where actually going to return to normal but little did I know that wasn’t going to be the case… Monday evening after seeing the doctor then being able to have a regular talk with a professional and then going to look at getting my benefits sorted which I’ve chosen not to use. I was feeling better so I created that video later in the evening and feeling more positive, Then on Tuesday we got some fire wood delivered for our new wood burner in the house and I was fine moving all of that then just before catching up with my friend later in the afternoon I started feeling odd. This kicked in around 2:30pm now it felt like someone had just hit the reset button on a computer but I just wasn’t powering back up, I did feel like I was on some really strong meds but I wasn’t it made me not think about anything and if I just stat down and closed my eyes I’d think of nothing and that doesn’t usually happen to me and actually hasn’t in 22 years as the last time I was like this is when I was 4 year old living in England.
Well I went out to catch up with a friend and we got talking but I wasn’t really open or ready to talk about how I’m going to change myself as I was so out of it, I couldn’t really do the basics like controlling how loud I was talking right down to not being able to read what was going on around me with others.
At the end of the night I felt scared as it was all new and I was worried if I’d ever go back to how i was but later on that night once getting home and being able to talk to mum, I brought up about having a fire and then everything started to flow back in… just like someone has opened a gate.
Now I’m feeling more content and now starting to focus on other things instead and I also done some self reflection which lead me to realise I have no other hobbies or interests outside of my photography… So now I’m going to get back into my music and audio side I’ve left behind and going to start enjoying life and valuing every day… as before I wasn’t really I was chasing this dream that kept changing and I don’t think I ever would have been happy.
Anyway check out this video as I had a lot more to say in it.
When things start to improve I think I’m going to just stick with online blogs and leave the videos for a while or make them less frequent 🙂