Its Been Over A Year, Now It’s Due For A Catch Up.

Well its been a while since I’ve been sharing whats been going on and frankly a lot has been happening and I haven’t been in the right frame of mind to put my fingers on the keyboard and type until now. This last year and a bit as been huge I had a accident this time a year ago which put me out of action for a long time and its made some restrictions to this day, I had a fall and broke my upper back and I feel I still have some problems in my shoulder joints and it pops and clicks when doing certain tasks, I’m going to visit a doctor possibly tomorrow to see how I can resolve this and get some treatment if possible.

During the time I was home bound due to the pain and medication I was on I put my time into blogging and building up a audience on my Instagram account as I had the time to do this. I started off with just over 2,000 followers now the last few months have been slow as Instagram have made it harder to grow, but I also haven’t been as active as I once was, now I have 88,500 follower I was growing by 10,000 followers a month earlier on in the year before the change with Instagram. Now I’m getting into building up my youtube channel which is a struggle but I keep getting asked by my audience to create content and now I’m starting to vlog when I go out and take some photos.

Now back to the Aspergers side I am going to be getting help soon as I’ve just been diagnosed again after my old records from school couldn’t be found and anyway my school records wouldn’t be up to date with the struggles I have today in my adult life as a 27 year old. When reading over the report its sad to read how some people view me as in the way I show very little facial expression and when it comes to talking I’m very much on the topic or talk about things that interest me, I don’t know how to talk to others outside of my normal context neither to I give any real physical contact like a hug for instance… I just find physical contact very hard for me to deal with and offend I get into a panic because of it like when saying high to friends for instance… I’m fine with a hand shake, I would like some hand sensitiser on me though at times.

Anyway theres lots of good things that will come from this like the support to learn how to interact with people more and learn things that most would come naturally to them but for me I need to learn it. Also I’m going to go back into training I’m looking at doing architecture I think this will be something that will be up my street as I do find construction and engineering fascinating then bringing them together would be great, plus I can visualise how things are put together and how it would looks as if it was on a computer or I was in person. Also I’ll be able to move out of home living with my mum into a place of my own which will be so helpful for me now and I think it will help me develop and learn new skills or improve on what I currently know and have a place I can call mine in a way. I’m looking at an apartment since my place will be secure and I’ll need a place thats got good security for my car too, the last thing I’d want is for it to get stolen.

I do feel right now things need to change as I can see I’m becoming more and more isolated and the reason for me saying this is I used to do my motorsports photography which allowed me to connect with lots of people even though I didn’t always like it most of the time but it got me away from the house. Now I’m getting into landscape photography and trying to connect with more photographers over here in Perth where I live and when theres enough people the plan is to go out and take photos and also meet ups, I’m going to be running this through Instagram.

Possibly in a years time when I have my own place hopefully by then I’ll be doing weekly vlogs on youtube as like a digital dairy but also something for people to be able to connect with and not feel so alone. I know with Autism you might have a lot of support but in that it can be very overwhelming and it can trigger you off to freak out and go quite, I’m like this and when it comes to receiving this help I know I’m going to struggle with it. They list what I have as a “disorder” now I don’t like that word as I don’t think I have one but thinking again I do in a way but its not in the fields where it would normally effect people. As I can work and I am intelligent I just lack the social side.

Anyway this has been a bit of a long one and now that things are happening again I’ll be able to share whats going on here 🙂

Have a wonderful evening!

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Aspergers – What View Should It Be Seen As ?

Well as the title says what view should it be seen as ? and by that I mean should it be seen as a disorder like the medical institute see people like myself as people who don’t fit in to our society… We seem to be cast as out siders for most of us and when you get the label it makes you feel even worse thinking that this way of life you have been living can’t be changed as you know in your head and mind like many of us we find change in our routine very difficult to comprehend and accept when it does which causes us to go into a break down be it only a small one but often its pretty bad. Lets put it into this context so you’ll be able to understand lets say for us if I wanted to go on a certain route on a drive all the planning I done in my head up to that stage has been trashed and I’m having to start again this causes me to go on a spiral of depression and anxiety yep its really that easy… but to put it into context it would be like you missing a flight at the air port all that planning has gone out the window now you have to plan again and go through everything again.

Well I was watching a video on YouTube recently the one I’m sharing below I wanted to find out what characteristic I had that those people have as a entrepreneur which I think I have so this is the video I watched…

I realised after watching this is I have a lot of signs and after coming to the terms with this I’m using it as a drive in my life as I know I could be someone that can make a change in this world and now this is where the Aspergers comes into play… I see a lot of things done in the wrong way be it how people act or how things get done or wrong actions are being used I notice this in major companies and the government. I’m always thinking about ways of improving life like I often think about how to heat and cool a house for free only using nature and physics to work for you as our houses here in Australia have so much we are leaving to waste on theses new houses that are going up all the time and commercial builds.

I also watched this video on suicide the reason I watched it is I had a open mind before clicking that play button I wanted to hear what someone else’s experiences have made them realise as I came pretty close to ending my life a few months ago and in this video I could relate to a lot of it… make sure you listen to what the true message is in this and you’ll feel better about life if you have a open mind that is willing to accept change if not you’ll say it was stupid or crazy what did I watch.
My message from the video was that the things we think about that have a hold over us be it relationships, family, health, money etc its all not as import as we view it to be, our life is the most important thing and we can walk away when something gets hard and theres always a way but in doing that we have this thing called fear that stops us its all the what if’s and we don’t like failing so before you’ve even started doing anything you’ve talked yourself out of it achieving nothing… everyone can change as you’re the one that can make it happen not someone else.

This guy in the video went through it all and let go but was saved by someone now he’s doing talks like this.

After this video I was still in the open mind ness view on things and everything else I thought I knew it went out the window be it from things I’ve picked up along the way or from people I’ve met. I find if you fill yourself with all this positive content in your life then you can always think back and know when you are going through the tough times that others like yourself have also done it as they all started from somewhere.

So at the end of the day what should people with Aspergers be seen as well we are different but its not a bad thing we have the ability to do things most can’t from the way we think about difficult tasks to making a change as we don’t always let our emotions get in the way as we see the logical side in things and less likely to get brain washed since we are more than often going to ask questions into a matter and if we care about something then we will study it like mad… so those of you like me who have it don’t look on it as a negative but instead take a step back and turn it into a positive so how to do this… well take a week or a month or a year off what you are doing and get to really know yourself I find this easier when you don’t have people around you and being single helps as this can be a venerable point and any put downs in this period can drive you down into the ground, you’ll go through times of depression but let it be and go with it as you’ll come out on a high at the end of it… Now when I’m out I think I’m better than most but in the terms of seeing things in a nicer light and I can bring a change so daily I’m thinking of something I can bring into people homes and lives that will make a change in there life.

What I have noticed on the radio here in Australia just how much brain washing is being done on it, well things like people thinking money and things are important in life, moving out of your parents place and into a home of your own, the music about finding love with a ”soul mate” all of theses things are not important its about being happy with your own well being and right now I’m happy being single I could do it for the rest of my life easily so long as I’ve got friends I can catch up with and people that will be there that I can talk to.

 

Now to finally answer my question, I don’t think it should be seen as a disorder but as something that is a gift we are privileged to behold in our lives we find it tough but we have much more to deal with and the things we do daily a normal person would face it very rarely so we have developed ways of coping in those situations 🙂 So use both your negatives and positives that make you who you are at the end of the day try not to change to much but embrace them and kick out the worries and keep that chin held high and be pleased about who you are! I have met a few people with it who cast them selves as outsiders that try and blend in but can’t or have given up but the thing to do is be who you are and the world will work around you as you’ll find that things as not as bad as you originally thought up to this point and the people you’ve been fearing have actually got a lot of worries and fears or problems they struggle to work through.

So everyone has something ‘wrong’ with them but that makes us human and theses bad things shouldn’t always be deemed as a negative… like asking to many questions in life where things don’t make sense, being on your own, etc…

Aspie Catch Up – 2nd July 2016

Hello, It’s been a while since I done my last blog but lots of things have happened since then… Like for instance I’m now working for a friend for the last few weeks helping him out on jobs in this time we’ve done two bathroom renovations mainly but we do the prep work and tiling… then some other bits and pieces along the way.

I must say working for someone again after 4 years is something thats hard to get used to but the hard thing for me is having someone doing the thinking as normally thats my department and letting that go is a difficult one for me… I now have to adjust so I can fit back into the world as what I am basically a labourer or an assistant to help out with the work at hand so basically a extra set of hands. What this has enabled me to do is now start buying things and also taken the strain off of me financially when I would be worrying about money each hour of each day… I still save money and don’t spend it in areas I don’t need to, I now narrow down how I spend my money into two sections which are “do I need this” or “Yep I need to buy this and its not a waste of money” then I also weigh it up seeing if I need it right away or if its something I can get in a few months time and only normally buying one thing each pay week the rest I save and goes towards daily expenses.

I like to buy hot food on the job but taking lunch from home doesn’t appeal to me after when I used to work in the mines when thats all I ate, I’m liking my pies at the moment like the curry ones 🙂

Anyway I’ll stop talking and let you check out my Vlog I have done this evening… enjoy 🙂

Aspergers Test.

Today I met up with a friend that I’ve recently become friends with this year and he told me he reckons he has Aspergers after reading and watching what I’ve been putting up on this site I’ve created.
Theres a site where you answer 50 questions and this will give you a indication if you are on the spectrum or not on a points based system.

Screen Shot 2016-05-22 at 20.08.11.png

Simply click on this link and theres two options to choose from, one is like this one above and the next is simply a list but I found this top one easier for me… just a personal preference.

This is the link to the Aspergers Syndrome test please note this is more to give you a indication if you have it or not then if you come into it then you can go and see a specialist where you’ll be able to get diagnosis from here if they say you have it you can get help if you need it… like me for instance where I can’t do a normal day job anymore so they can help out with income and training for employment.

Make sure you answer truthfully some you might have to question yourself about and others just come naturally.

Just so you can check out what I’m rated at if you are interested I’ve just done this test.

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Some information that will come up at the end of the test to show where you will be going by your score.

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Anti Depressants Are They Worth It…

Sorry its been a while since my last blog in fact almost a month… Well a lot has been going on from doctors appointments to seeing professionals to help me with getting further help with my Aspergers so I can learn how to cope better in this world I find hard to see sense in.

Well week on Tuesday I went along to see the psychiatrist to help get my diagnosis since my medical history from when I was at school had been lost in the system but back then I was diagnosed to only have a mild form of it, but back then I didn’t open up I just wanted to be left alone which could be why my rating at the time was so low to what it is now.

So my time spent with the psychiatrist went well it went on for a good hour… I was asked a lot of personal questions about my behaviour and the way I think to my back ground. I was asked at the end if I’d like to go on some anti depressants now since my mum is a mental health nurse I knew she would say no to them but I wanted to say yes just to see what the medication would actually do to me… I guess you could say I was my own ginny pig to see if the meds actually would increase my way of life for the better or if it would make it much worse… I was pretty open minded but I do find it hard to believe that the way to resolve a mental issue is done by simply taking a tablet once every day.

Day 1. So after leaving the psychiatrist I made another appointment for a months time for another session and to help me with the next step to receiving further help, this is with a private service which is why things are happening so quickly… After this I went into mums car who took me up there that day since I didn’t feel like driving and we went to the chemist to get my medication I was prescribed… I was given Escitalopram to take which boosts the brain with a chemical that the body naturally produces. Once I got home I took one of the tablets and then waited to see what would happen and at first nothing felt different but later on that night while I was watching a movie at 10:00pm I had this sick feeling and a headache came out of no where just like someone flicked this switch.

Day 2. I felt so sick like my insides where a mess and my head felt like it was full of fluid as my hearing changed so things where in muffed in a way and I felt more depressed because of it… now I react quite badly to side effects which is the main reason I stay clear of a lot of medications… On this day I went up to a friends place for breakfast and a chat about this stuff… I did notice as I was driving up that my focus wasn’t like how it was normal and my vision was impaired I found it harder to read signs that where 50 meters away and this didn’t chance for the length of the day… I went went home just after mid day and had a kip as I was tired then after I watched a movie before going to bed again…

Day 3 and 4. I stayed at home both days I didn’t want to leave the house as I was feeling so tired and depressed because of it… I also wasn’t very hungry so I just kept up my fluid levels drinking fruit juice and soft drinks the thought of food made me sick even though I was starving my head and senses wouldn’t allow food to enter and when I did I felt like bringing it back up even  after only a few mouth falls. I would wake up at 8:00 or 9:00am then have another sleep at 3:00pm this was becoming apart of my routine in my day and I would sleep for 2-3 hours… then wake up and go back to bed 4 hours later and repeat…

This made me very antisocial and made me start to dough my life and I started to also give up and just let the meds take over…

Day 5. I got up early to take some bird photos with a friend early on in the morning I was forcing myself to get out even though I wasn’t feeling right… I managed to say out for 4 hours before going back home where I checked out the photos I had taken and edited some before going for my sleep at 3:00pm that I needed as I was so tired at this point… after this I just watched things on my computer be it on youtube or shows on my external hard drive before going to sleep.

Day 6. This was my worse effected day as I was feeling so weak and my mum could see a notice a huge change in my behaviour as all my motivation had gone out the window and I was so badly depressed due to the effects of the medication… this say I was sleeping more than I had ever done before I mean like I was awake for 2 hours then going back to sleep for 2-3 hours then up again for 1 hour then another sleep for 2 then up for a few minutes before needing to lay down in bed… This day my mum made me my favourite dinner and I managed to eat quite a bit but when I was about to finish I got this really sick feeling where if I kept going everything was going to come back up! no joke and my head was pounding plus that spinning feeling… No matter what I was doing nothing was getting better and I was in fact loosing weight.

Day 7. In the morning I was feeling so fed up I had hardly even eaten anything in the past week and I was feeling so fed up with everything and I was even more tired than yesterday to the point of waking up after 10 hours sleep and needing to go back to bed 1 hour later for more sleep… it wasn’t until it was time to take my meds with mum in the room I chose not to take anymore as theses tablets where not helping me… before stopping them completely we looked up the side effects which are these below in this quote.

Quoted from Drugs.com

Severity: Major

You should check with your doctor immediately if any of these side effects occur when taking escitalopram:

Rare:

  • Coma
  • confusion
  • convulsions
  • decreased urine output
  • dizziness
  • fast or irregular heartbeat
  • headache
  • increased thirst
  • muscle pain or cramps
  • nausea or vomiting
  • shortness of breath
  • swelling of the face, ankles, or hands
  • unusual tiredness or weakness

Severity: Minor

Some of the side effects that can occur with escitalopram may not need medical attention. As your body adjusts to the medicine during treatment these side effects may go away. Your health care professional may also be able to tell you about ways to reduce or prevent some of these side effects. If any of the following side effects continue, are bothersome or if you have any questions about them, check with your health care professional:

More common:

  • Constipation
  • decreased interest in sexual intercourse
  • diarrhea
  • dry mouth
  • ejaculation delay
  • gas in the stomach
  • heartburn
  • inability to have or keep an erection
  • loss in sexual ability, desire, drive, or performance
  • sleepiness or unusual drowsiness
  • trouble sleeping

Less common:

  • Bloated or full feeling
  • burning, crawling, itching, numbness, prickling, “pins and needles”, or tingling feelings
  • chills
  • cough
  • decreased appetite
  • excess air or gas in the stomach or intestines
  • fever
  • general feeling of discomfort or illness
  • increased sweating
  • joint pain
  • muscle aches and pains
  • not able to have an orgasm
  • pain in the neck or shoulders
  • pain or tenderness around the eyes and cheekbones
  • passing gas
  • runny nose
  • shivering
  • sneezing
  • sore throat
  • stuffy nose
  • tightness of the chest
  • tooth problems
  • trouble breathing
  • unusual dreams
  • unusual drowsiness, dullness, tiredness, weakness or feeling of sluggishness
  • yawning

From this I was having a cough, runny nose, stiff joints, tightness of the chest, yawning, decreased appetite, muscle aches and pains, sleepiness and unusual drowsiness, general feeling of illness, dizziness, nausea, confusion and short term memory loss.

So this was enough for me to stop this otherwise I knew it would only get worse and to dig myself out of the hole I had been getting myself into would only be so much harder to get myself out of later down the line as I would have isolated myself from everyone, been so deeply depressed as I wouldn’t want to leave the house it was actually getting this way and I could have easily kept going with this as i was having a routine that had been settling  in… All my drive would have left me and I would have been so weak to do anything I dreamed to do before.

So now I’m not going to take anymore medication to “help” my state of mind the only way that will change is by me physically doing it and I think us with Aspergers shouldn’t be on this stuff well most of us anyway as I found out that I’m not the only one who uses depression as a good thing as its a very good thing to use as tool to drive us forward as it makes you appreciate the small things in life and drives you towards your bigger goals in life… I do also suffer from anxiety but I’m going to keep it how it is right now and just deal with things myself.

So my final decision on this topic from a personal experience even though it was only short is medication the way out or a way of suppressing the feelings… for me I don’t think so I see it as a big thing the medical industry can make a load of money out of us and get us locked into believing our issues can be solved with theses tiny tablets in a small packet promising change… Sure there are people out there that really need this stuff and without it they can’t function since there body isn’t producing enough of what is needed but I don’t think depression should be treated with medication at all its so wrong and the list of side effects go on… just check that link out in the quote above at the start and you’ll see what I mean!.

So now what… Well now I’m going to work on getting this stuff out of my system and possibly go out somewhere nice before going down south to cover a race meeting with stills and video 🙂

Image at the top was found on google images linked into this site.

Help Groups Are Not Always For Everyone.

I’ll keep this one short as not much needs to be said in this one from my personal experiences… well as you know I went along to a meet up with others who where on the autism spectrum this was all done through a Facebook group made up of just over 50 members. Well I have never done group things before when it comes to getting help or learning more about myself as its always been a thing that I’ve tackled on my own but I thought I’d give this way a go to see.
Now I’ve learn all my photography by picking things up along the way and I’ve found when I’ve been talking about photography within a group it can get edgy and tempers to fly since not everyone is on a equal level… which is very normal really as some are misinformed or are just after a bit of entertainment for there day.

Well with groups I’m not one of those people who join and then sit from a distance watching for a while before slowly bringing things to the table… I’m one who gets involved pretty quickly now this isn’t to prove anything its all just to know the group and its regular members, be it from talking in a topic thats already going that I know a lot about from experiences or to asking questions of my own… Its a great way of networking and making friendships from it plus I like to throw some humour in there as most people let there walls down when you bring this but not everyone as i’ve found out.

Well going back to this group that wants to get other people on the autism spectrum talking but I found out today from a member within the group its all got to be facts and no general chit chat, now this makes it very formal and not much fun… So you can see I wouldn’t fit in here but theres nothing within the groups terms that people can say in the description about this otherwise I would never have joined.

I did get a rather aggressive private message from the admin of the group who I was talking to in a charm manner but he was always on the aggressive and twisting my words at one point he said this which I found very out of order and I think others would as well. I mentioned in the PM that I like using humour to realise tension but this guy didn’t see it my way.

Humour only works between people that know each other.

NO ONE HERE IS NT !!

WE ARE FUCKING ASPIES

NT is a abbreviation for neurotypical which means “a neologism originating in the autistic community as a label for people who are not on the autism spectrum.”

Now since this conversation its made me reflect on how to go about learning about myself but while I was in the group I learn’t a lot of the vital things I wanted to learn about, there was a reason I put those first just incase something like this where to happen.

So now I’m going to get back out there with my photography work as this week and a bit has been one hell of a experience and I’m going to go to medical professionals who can help me instead when I need it… more so for the talking about aspect verse the medication side as I’m not going down that path. That means steering away from the groups but at least I’ve made some friends out of it so it hasn’t all gone to waste this experience 🙂

I hope this blog counts a short… haha.

My Ways Of Dealing With Depression.

Well I thought I do a quick blog on how I deal with my depression and what keeps me going. Well the thing is its very simple and thats my photography ever since I was a child I had a camera in my hand like for this instance when I was only 2 y.o. my parents got me a toy SLR camera that had a flash on it which worked I have a photo of me somewhere on christmas day with the camera in my hand. Then when I was 4 y.o. my parents got me another camera that could actually take photos and I still have some of those photos to this very day, one photo I took down in cornwall in England of a house and weirdly enough theres a BMW sitting in the drive and now I have one… my inner me must have had a good eye back then haha.

Now fast forward to when I’m 26 y.o. and I’ve still got a camera in hand I actually use it as a way of coping and I don’t think I realised it before as I’ve always considered it as a hobby that also has become as a way of making some pocket money… When I’m out with my camera in hand I’m focusing on only what I have to do and planning what to do next all my worries and stresses I had before are out the door.

I have often thought about giving up with it but its such a challenging thing to do and thats what I love is the challenge as theres no way of learning it all in a life time as theres always something new to learn… I like to learn when I’m out shooting rather than studying how to operate a camera to get this certain look.

My time when I really want to get away from it all is when I have a go at landscapes I might not be any good at it like everyone else but it gets me alone with my camera, be it going down to the beach or going inland at night to photograph the stars it really relaxes me… without having a camera there I’m always unsettled and worrying about things its weird what the camera can do for me.

I guess you can say that a camera is my drug and no I’m not coming up with a song to compete with Ke$ha… lol

Remember this song.

 

I have never been put on any medication or been in rooms to talk to others who have it as I’ve always kept things to myself but doing theses blogs are really helping me out as well as talking to others. I do have times when I can get involved a lot with things but its all down to the fact I want to help even when someone might not be asking its just in my nature.

The other thing I use to cope is music now this can be anything in the charts right down to some jazz all depends on what I’m feeling like… I either lock myself away or sit behind a computer with it coming though one of my speakers or I put the ear phones in… I do this up at the track when I’m shooting as I find it helps me isolate myself from whats going on and just focus on the cars and bikes.

This is one song I really like to listen to in the dark by Kenny G

 

Well once again my short blog has grown into a bit of a long one… all well at least you’ll understand a little bit more about me 🙂

The photo at the top for the feature photo is one of mine I took that one in London in my aunties place in her garden I was laying on my belly on the wet grass using my main camera kit.

Have a wonderful week everyone one!

Also if you are wondering what my work is like feel free to check it out here.